Now I know is it any easier?

I was pleased when I arrived for my blood test that no other ladies were waiting...speedy processing for me! Just as I jump into the chair the fire alarm starts to go off. Thankfully the nurse is as determined to get me through as I am and she brushes off the nurse that pops her head in the room to tell her to evacuate. In a  jiffy my blood is in a test tube and I'm out the door.

Once again I wait an hour and half and ring my fertility specialist's office. The receptionist has a look for my results - they aren't yet in the system but she goes looking on the fax. She comes back and says she needs to speak to the specialist about the results. I'm on hold for a minute and then she says "Congratulations, you are pregnant."

I'm pleased, but not overjoyed. Let's face it, this is my third congratulations, and still no babies. I ask what my HCG level is. It is 180. I'm happy with that (not that I really know what the number means). I'm instructed to go for another test in two days to check the HCG number is increasing as it should be.

Damn it, Matt is on camp. I try to ring him, but he is out of range. I leave messages hoping he will ring me back. I've got no one to tell. Matt and I have been keeping this cycle on the quiet and I don't really want to tell anyone until I've told Matt.

I secretly tell one person - Matt's cousin. She has experienced similar difficulties conceiving and has been especially supportive of our baby making mission. I also remember the words of a friend when I was stressing out about the last pregnancy. She said well shouldn't you just enjoy knowing you are pregnant now and worry about it if and when you need to.

The next day I'm my tiny bit of pregnancy joy is crushed by the sight of some light bleeding. I can't believe it - one day of enjoying it (kind of) only to start with the bleeding again. I tell myself to wait and see what the numbers say tomorrow when I get the second blood test. I remind myself a high number of pregnancies have bleeding in the early stages and try to calm down about it. Try to enjoy just knowing that I'm pregnant. Try to remember the first time, when I was genuinely excited at this stage and when the doctor told you spotting was normal and you believed them.

Matt rings me on Thursday night and I tell him that I'm pregnant. He is excited. And then I tell him that I'm spotting again. All Matt can say is "you're joking" and not in a ha ha kind of way.

On Friday I go in for my second test. Again when I ring the specialist my result is awesome with my HCG having more than doubled to 440. I speak to the specialist about the bleeding and he again tells me it is common and not to worry about it, unless it is gets heavier or comes with abdominal pain.

Matt gets home from camp and we decide that we will tell our immediate family - explaining that there is still a chance that there could be problems, but that the numbers look good. I can tell even they are getting used to the loss. They want to be happy for us, but we are all tentative.

The best thing for me about this pregnancy being IVF is that unlike my other two pregnancies, where basically there is no monitoring, an IVF pregnancy means I have access to as much monitoring as I can reasonably book. With my concern about the bleeding, my specialist sends me a fist full of blood tests so that I can get tests and check my HCG results as often as I need to keep my mind at ease. Also, it is standard to book an in rooms ultrasound with the fertility specialist for about two weeks after the blood test to make sure the baby is in the right place and hopefully see a heart beat.

Given my specialist has leave booked for when my ultrasound would be due, I'm scheduled to go in a few days earlier than is ideal. While I'm waiting for the ultrasound I get two more blood tests and my HCG numbers are kicking arse.

I'm definitely pregnant, but I don't feel great, and not in a morning sickness kind of way. Just more worry, new worry. I just have to hang in there until I can do the ultrasound and if that is good news, hopefully then I will be able to relax and enjoy it.

Full IVF cycle part 4 - waiting

Two weeks doesn't seem like that long to wait, until you have a lot invested.

As it turned out, I could handle one week with ease. I didn't even really think much about whether or not I could be pregnant. But as soon as I hit 8 days of waiting I started to seriously wonder. It doesn't help that there are early pregnancy that state they can pick up pregnancy hormones from as early as 7-10 days after conception. IVF means you know exactly when your egg was fertilised, so 8 days seems like a good time to start home pregnancy testing.

First home pregnancy test - negative.

At about this time I also had my first cut loose day from my pre-pregnancy weight loss diet. We had a friend that was celebrating their 40th birthday and there were many delicious treats to be had. Later that night I had weird pain in my chest. I was trying to get to sleep and this ache was throbbing away. I didn't want to take any pain killers, just in case I was pregnant. I checked out the time, thinking if I needed to go hospital I would need to know how long the pain lasted. Next thing I wake up in the morning pain free and I didn't really think much about the episode.

Queensland Fertility Group must know that about about a week after transfer all their patients start going a bit crazy, so they schedule a call to see how patients are going. When the nurse rang she asked about the ovarian hyper-stimulation symptoms I'd experienced. I mentioned the chest pain, which the nurse puts down to possibly having fluid in my lungs as a result of the hyper-stimulation.

I make it through the second week wait, with only taking three home pregnancy tests - all negative. I convinced myself that I would prefer to have an idea of the outcome of the blood test so that my hopes aren't too high.

When I head in for my blood test, I'm confident that I'm not pregnant. I'm told it should only take an hour for the result to be through to my specialist. I wait an hour and a half and ring to find out the result - they aren't there. I'm told there has been a problem in the lab and to ring back in an hour. An hour later I sneak off from my desk and ring again - still a hold up in the lab. My anxiety is rising - I tell myself, you are not pregnant, why is this stressing you out. As instructed I ring back in another hour and still there is a hold up in lab. When they ask me to ring back in hour I say no - I can't - I've rung three times and have meetings and work to do.

I ring the Queensland Fertility Group (QFG) head office to find out what the hold up is - they have no idea. I fire off a nasty email to QFG about the general lack of service, given that I just shelled out $7,000 and am emotionally invested up to the eyeballs.

Hours later when I have time I ring my specialist's office again - finally the result are in - I'm not pregnant. They tell me I should have a chat with my specialist in the coming days to discuss what I want to do next.

The next day, which happens to be a Saturday, my specialist calls me. He is so nice. I don't know how he does it. He seems so genuinely sorry it hasn't worked out and also apologises for the stuffing around the day before. He reminds me it didn't all go bad and that I'm in the enviable position of having 10 high quality frozen embryos. We discuss when I might want to try again. He tells me there is no physical reason I shouldn't try again in my next cycle, depending on how I am coping emotionally. He refers me to his website patient login area to read the information on the different approaches to frozen embryo transfers and asks me to call him on his after hours number the next night.

Matt and I discuss what we want to do and decide we are prepared to go again straight away. The next night I have dinner just before I'm supposed to call the specialist and as soon as I put down my cutlery I start to get the chest pain like I had experienced a week earlier. I ring my specialist to let him know we are keen to go again and ask him about the chest pain given that it started through the IVF cycle. He tells me it sounds like my gallbladder and that I should get it checked out before we proceed.

Once I hang up the phone the pain becomes even more intense. It feels like my chest is going to crack open. After about 20 minutes of me writhing around the house and crying, Matt decides it is time to take me the hospital. Just as we pull into emergency the pain ceases. I feel completely drained and am broken out in sweat. We decide I should go in anyway.

Presenting to emergency at 8am on a Sunday night is not ideal - unless one is actually dying. It is busy. We aren't urgent now the pain has ceased it looks like I shouldn't even be there. We wait. Nearly four hours later a doctor can see me. She gets me on the bed and feels around my abdomen. We discuss all the IVF dates the type of pain and other symptoms like sweating and nausea. She orders blood tests and xrays and asks me to head back out into the waiting area. An hour later I'm called back in and am seen quickly by the head doctor and sent off with a diagnosis of reflux and with instructions to take some mylanta next time I experience the pain.

Turns out I wouldn't have to wait long to experience the pain again. The following week our entire team was going away for a two day conference at Caloundra. As soon as I finished lunch on day 1 I felt the beginning of the symptoms with which I was now becoming familiar. I didn't have any mylanta on me, so I asked one of my colleagues to drive me to a chemist. By the time we got to the chemist I was in the full swing of the pain. My chest felt like it was going to split in half and while I felt like a could vomit I knew I wouldn't. The double strength mylanta does nothing. We go over to the doctor's surgery that is in the centre, they say we should go to the hospital. My colleague gets some quick instructions and a map and we are on our way.

In the car the pain eases and then increases again. I ring Matt to tell him it is happening again. It seems worse than ever. When we get to the hospital I'm a mess of sweat, but my pain has eased a little. The triage nurse asks me to rate my pain, I only grade it a 6. She takes some quick vitals. All of a sudden the pain is getting more intense. I bump up my pain number to 8 and a half. By now I'm groaning and I can't stand or sit still. I can't get comfortable. I hold my chest and rock. The triage nurse brings me some tablets and tells me to calm down - I think that is because of the groaning. My poor work colleague is back on the phone to my husband and filling in the admission forms, digging in my purse for my medicare cards.

Soon enough I'm the emergency ward and being asked to drink a 'pink lady' - a disgusting, thick pink drink. The nurse is sure I have reflux - I'm thinking you've got to be kidding this cannot be reflux.

I'm in a bed, the needles are going in, blood going out, and at last the good drugs are being administered. It took two IV shots of something to finally bring the pain down to the point that I could start talking normally. A doctor comes to see me and ask lots of questions about the pain - in particular is it squeezing type pain. I'm not sure. It is really hard to describe my own pain. The doctor sends me for an ultrasound of my abdomen. The sonographer tells me my gallbladder has stones, but so do a huge percentage of the population, and that it looks fine to her.

Back in the ward the doctor comes to see me again, he seems to think it is reflux, and then he is away again. My pain is now completely gone and I'm told I will be discharged soon. Matt is on his way up to Caloundra, he was planning to either pick me up, or stay at the hotel I was supposed to be in for work if I had to stay longer in hospital.

Just as Matt gets there the doctor comes over and tells me he thinks it is my gallbladder and that he wants me to make an appointment with my GP to referred to a surgeon. I'm discharged with my letter to my GP and prescription for a hard core pain killers. The emergency doctor advises me to take the pain killers with me always and if I really want to prevent further episodes to cut fats from diet.

It turns out that heightened oestrogen levels created through the IVF cycle, plus my weight loss, conspired to cause my gallbladder malfunction. My surgeon tells me gallbladders often play up during pregnancy and given that is what I'm trying to achieve that I should just get it out as quickly as possible, so we can get on with the IVF.

Once the problem is diagnosed it didn't take long to get it tended to. Instead of doing my second round of IVF, within a couple of weeks I was scheduled for surgery, my second laparoscopy for 2011.

On 19 July I said farewell to my gallbladder and within a couple of weeks I was talking to my fertility specialist to discuss when I could do my first frozen embryo transfer.

A taste of success - Written about 6 Feb the week 6 - 13 February 2011

I'm cheating on my blog because for the last week I've been dealing with having a positive pregnancy test. Obviously, given that I was on my 3 month break, I really didn't expect to get pregnant.

What happened is this... I've been using my at home ovulation detection tests. I have NEVER had a positive test from one of these tests. I have had a couple of semi results, with pale test lines, which the instructions tell you is still negative.

I decided to start testing a little earlier this month, as my cycle was a bit shorter last month. My first test came up with a pale line, negative. But I decide to test again the next day, I got a positive. I was pretty happy about that and made sure Matt and I captured the window. On the following day I decided to test again, and it was positive again. Hmmmm.... I hit the net and try and find the answer, which is that I probably picked up my LH (luteinising hormone) spike on the way up and way down. Okay, happy with that, but just can't help myself and test again the next day - that is positive again. And the next day, positive again! In the end I had five positive tests in a row. I'm beginning to wonder how it is ever possible that I got a negative from these tests. Of course I hit the net trying to find an answer, and all I find are discussion groups, one of which says, perhaps so many positive LH tests could indicate pregnancy? How is this I wonder? I know the pregnancy tests look for HCG. But it is too late, the seed has been planted in my mind and begin to consider doing a pregnancy test.

I know in my heart it is too early for it to be picked up, but I convince myself that I would be better off doing one to be sure before I have my first medical appointment with the new weight loss program I'm joining (this program costs a bomb, and I don't want to have the money spent on it, only to not be able to lose any weight while in the program). So not even a week after the first positive LH test I do a pregnancy test. You can imagine my surprise when it was positive.

It was too early to be really excited. I waited calmly for Matt to get home from his night shift and told him the good, but not to get excited about yet, news. I tell Matt that I'm going to get a blood test, just to make sure all my hormone levels are okay. Also of concern is regular spotting I've had since the fallopian tube test.

That night I get a call from the fertility specialist - the one who I've been ignoring for 2 months.... He says, what's going on? Clearly you've gone and done a pregnancy test, which is positive by the way, but why did you go and do it? I explain my story to the Doctor, tell him about the spotting and say I just wanted to be sure all my levels were okay. He says my HCG result is strong, but my progesterone is low and that I need to start using some of those wonderful pessaries immediately and take a test again in a couple of days.

Matt and I freak out. During the recent flooding we lost power for 2 days and the progesterone medication was one of the things that had to get chucked. It is a Sunday night, and progesterone pessaries just aren't that easy to come by, even with a prescription. These suckers need to be made by a compound chemist. To give us the best chance we both want to get some to start that night, otherwise it is full 24 hours before I'll be able to get the opportunity to administer a pessary - it's not like taking a pill.

Matt is making me ring 24 hour chemists. I'm telling him they won't have them. A thought hits me, I know quite few women going similar fertility treatments, maybe one of the girls will have some? I start texting and within 30 minutes we have hit the jackpot! Matt and I do a mercy dash and pick up enough for three days supply, which will make sure I have time to get my own.

Then, the waiting begins....

So what's been going on till now?

I rang the Doctor's office late on Tuesday night, unfortunately a little too late to get the results of my blood test. The answering machine gave me an after hours number to ring, and that message gave me another 'urgent' pager number. I decided the results of this blood test can wait until the morning.

On the dot of 8am today I rang and was told that the blood tests show my period hasn't started properly yet. I don't what this means for the whole fertility deal yet, it just seems weird and has me wondering what's been going on for last however many months. 

When did my period starting stop being my period starting?

Since my first pregnancy miscarried and having a suction DNC (curette) in August 2009, my cycle has not been what it used to be. My cycle could vary from 26 to 40 days in length. When you are trying to get pregnant there is nothing you would like more than a nice regular cycle. The irregularity is bad, but it is the long cycles that mess with your head, make you do a million pregnancy tests, get your hopes up to the highest heights and then send you crashing back down.

I reported all this irregularity to my GP, who referred me back to my original obstetrician, who said I needed to be patient. After another month or two of patience I went back to my GP who I have been seeing for about 10 years. In tears again my GP said all this patience was ridiculous, given the emotional distress it was causing, so she prescribed Clomid to try and aid in a speedy pregnancy.

So I've had the clomid for a few months and the irregular cycle has settled down, but now I find out that everything is haywire anyhow.

So how does this result make me feel? Better than I have in months. I feel better because someone is looking into it. The doctor wants me to repeat the same blood test tomorrow. And I hope that the results tomorrow shed more light on what the hell is going on. I certainly hope even though I've got no idea what is going on, that the doctor will.

How do I know it's my period?

My obstetrician was particular about my waiting 12-months. She tells me the high percentage figure of healthy couples that will conceive naturally in this time period. Given the fact that my husband and I had conceived once naturally in 2009 she assured us that patience was necessary. 

Having lasted about 10 of the full official 12-month waiting period, last month I managed to get a referal to see a fertility specialist.

Our appointment was a great 15-minutes in front of a professional who like the obstetrician said given the results of a few test we'd already undertaken so far there wasn't too much to worry about. My weight could be a problem, so perhaps I should try and loose some and step up the exercise program (which he acknowledges this sometimes more difficult than it sounds). 

He sent us away with a lot of blood tests. These tests to be done by me over the course of the month would allow the doc to follow the rise of fall of certain hormones. We left with the certainty that this month the 'love' doctor would give us the nod ensuring our baby making efforts were concentrated around my most fertile window. It wasn't much, but it was enough to bring back hope. At last we were doing something, we had some support, we had scientifically accurate information about my oestrogen, LH and progesterone levels and a phone number to ring. 

With science on my side, I have also stepped up on my part. I've renewed a gym membership and have been getting a lot more regular exercise. I've also been seeking some alternative therapies to help me with some of the emotional difficulties I've experienced around my failed pregnancy and my general well being.

Today I decided that I would ring the fertility specialist to report that my period had started 7 days after I ovulated. Having done swathes of internet research I knew this was bad news. A short luteal phase doesn't allow the body enough time to get pregnant - or something like that. The doctor wasn't there when I rang, but with the receptionist informed of my concerns, I was advised I would either receive a call back later in the day or that I should call again in the morning.

I was pretty bloody happy when the doctor rang me back in the early evening. I found myself talking quickly and openly about spotting and light bleeding and how it all started just 7 days after the date of confirmed ovulation. I was however surprised by the doctor's response, "how do you know it's your period?"

I've been having periods for let's say 23 years. Yes, this bleeding is light, but it has been going for 4 days and doesn't look like easing up. Last month was just like this, long period, but slow getting started with lots of light days. I have done a few cheap internet pregnancy test, but they all come up negative so I don't think it is implantation bleeding. But when it comes down to it, I guess I don't know, I just assume it is.

The doc sends me to the pile of pre-prepared blood test forms that I left his office armed with from our 15-minute meeting and tells me to get a 'quantitative hcg' test. This test will confirm if I'm pregnant or not and all the other results of oestrogen, LH and progesterone levels will confirm if my period has started, or not.

I'm so glad I weaseled my referral a month or two early and that finally I am getting some help. Tomorrow morning I'll be there when the Sullivan Nicolaides doors open at 7am for another jab. And in the afternoon I'll ring that number to find out whether it is my period or not.