Preparing to feed the test obsession

A week or so ago I decided I would prepare for my upcoming series of home pregnancy testing.

I had lunch with my sister, who happens to be studying pharmacy and enjoys any reason to visit a chemist, so I asked her if she wanted to come with me to carefully study the pregnancy tests and make a selection.

It turns out she needed a real education. She was such a novice. I had to show her to read the packets, looking for those with the earliest detection chance, lowest HCG test. Then she kept picking up packets with one test only - what was she thinking? I explained if the test doesn't come in a 2 or 3 pack, I'm not interested.

After much researching I decided on First Response in stream tests. A 3 pack of course.

Because pregnancy just can't be a straightforward thang for me, on the same day I picked up the tests I noticed a little bit of spotting started. Pinkish.

Now, every other pregnancy this early spotting filled my heart with dread, however this time it was so early, only 6 days after transfer, I felt confident if it was anything, it was implantation bleeding. To me implantation is good news, so I surprising tolerated a little spotting with very little anxiety.

When I got home I told my hubby I was sure I was pregnant, but, that I was certain because I had the little bleeding. I was armed with tests and would start testing tomorrow morning. To my surprise he said, 'why don't you do a test now?'

hmmmm.... Now, I've blogged before about my pregnancy testing rules, one of which is only test for first thing in the morning pee, but here is my husband tempting me to break one. So, within in seconds I was in the bathroom peeing on a stick. I left the stick and went to get changed out of my work gear. A few minutes later I returned to check on the test and found the faintest of faint positive results.

I'm excited by the positive result, but let's face it, it is soooooo early, not even 4 weeks. My husband isn't so excited. He almost immediate slips to worry mode.

Last month when we did transfer and got a negative result he said it was a relief it was over, and we didn't have to go through all the waiting and worrying etc. I told him that I was going to be excited and try to pretend like it was the first time and we don't know about everything going wrong. We have to get a positive to get to a 6 week ultrasound, to get to a first trimester, to get to having a baby! The positive result is the first and necessary step to getting the baby, so I'm smiling about it.

We're back on track to mission take off.

Not pregnant (yet?)

As always, I cannot resist the urge of the early at home pregnancy test, and this time I'm not getting the result I want.

I tested 6 days after transfer, knowing it was really early, it was negative. I tested again the next day, 7 days after transfer, and still negative. Why test so early? Well, because we transfered 2 embryos, I think if they have both taken, it is likely I will get a positive early.

Last time we did transfer I got a positive at 7 days past my 5 day transfer of two embryos. By the time time we got to ultrasound there was only 1 baby, so I don't know if there were 2 at one point.

I am disappointed to not be getting a positive yet and beginning to think perhaps it hasn't taken this time. Not being one to give up, I'm waiting until 9 days post transfer to test again and if that one isn't positive, I will no doubt test again 11 days post transfer.

I think that what ever the result is on 9 days post transfer should be pretty accurate as 9 days post a 5 day embryo transfer is 14 days post ovulation, and when my period would be due if it weren't for the progesterone medications I'm on.

I've heard my friends still start their period, even when on the progesterone medications post transfer. Perhaps if I'm not pregnant this time, that will happen to me too?

My blood test will be 11 days past embryo transfer, and I guess if I haven't had a positive home pregnancy test by then, it will be settled once and for all with a blood test.

How long can the lady resist?

I out did myself, in my opinion, making it all the way to Saturday before home pregnancy testing. I forgot about testing first thing in the morning, so I peed without the test. Then a few minutes slipped past and I remembered I was going to test. For about 1 minute I thought, oh well, I'll just wait until tomorrow. Then for the next 10 minutes I couldn't stop thinking about it.

Once again I decided to stretch one of my rules, the don't test on anything other than first thing in the morning pee rule. I figure if I can squeeze out a little more pee right now, then it is still really first thing in the morning pee and will still contain the stronger hormone. Back to the loo I go, with my expensive in stream pee test. As I'm trying to squeeze out my last bit of morning pee I start to worry I'm not going to get enough pee on the stick to get a result. Damn. I will have wasted one of my tests by getting a tiny bit of wee on it. I resort to the old school cup collection method, so that the precious first thing in the morning pee wasn't just wasted.

With my cup balanced in the sink I dip the fancy instream test. The test screen starts to change immediately. I'm so pleased I went to pee capture mode, I would never have got enough pee on stick otherwise. I see the control line appearing straight away, quickly followed by a faint positive pregnancy test line. The faint line is becoming stronger. It is definitely there.

I can't believe how good this test was. The result came up so quickly, no need to discard and pull back out of the bin later. The expensive test was so worth it.

I tell Matt and I'm reasonably excited. He smiles, but doesn't seem too excited. It is too early. I want to be excited, like I was the first time we were pregnant. A little part of me is. The rest of me feels nervous.

On Sunday I started to think perhaps my test was wrong. Perhaps because I got a little bit a of pee on it, and then went for pee capture mode, maybe the test got confused and counted my hcg twice. I'm not even sure if this is possible, but I decide I must re-test with first morning pee on Monday.

On Monday I decide not to mess around with in flow and go straight to pee capture mode to prevent loss of precious early morning pee. I'm convinced the more expensive in flow tests are better, but then fail to use them that way (hmmmm...). The test quickly returns a positive result again. I'm reassured, I'm definitely pregnant.

I decide I have to speak to the fertility specialist as mid week last week my belly button started leaking out a small amount of yuk again. I confess to him that I've done a home pregnancy test and that now I'm worried about the return of the ooze somehow impacting the new pregnancy. We again discuss the colour, smell and amount of yuk coming from my belly button. He decides I should do my blood test on Tuesday so we know where I'm at (yay! Blood test brought forward 4 days!) and I should pick up a script for antibiotics. I don't need to take them right now, but hold onto the script in case the ooze picks up.

My blood test result today confirms I am pregnant. HCG was 178. That's fine for 4 weeks pregnant. Clearly it is way too early to tell anyone I'm pregnant, so shhhhhhh, it's a secret. Let's hope we make the 12/13 week hurdle and then I'll let the cat out the bag.

Obsessive much?

Transfer was less than 1 week ago. When do you think I might have started thinking about home pregnancy testing? I'd say, about 1 week BEFORE transfer!!!!

I just can't help myself. I'm a terrible home pregnancy addict when I reach this point. Having been through a full cycle recently, I have had some learnings that I'm already trying to implement.

Firstly, no more cheap pregnancy tests. The day after transfer I invested in an expensive pharmacy (no more crappy supermarket) 3 pack of pee on a stick tests. These ones are supposed to pick up traces of HCG at fairly low levels. Why do I need a 3 pack? I held the 2 pack in my hand for some time, but then I thought about how long it was between then and the blood test. I also thought, even if I do get a test that is positive, I will no doubt need to test again the next day just to be sure. And if I got a negative test, I'd definitely need to test again, and then if the second test was positive I'd still need to do the third to be sure. What if I got two negative tests? So you see, there was no way around it, I needed the 3 pack or two 2 packs. I felt I showed restraint. I hope I don't end up buying more to feed my addiction!

Secondly, don't test too early. Testing too early made me feel really bad last time. That first negative rocked me, and then I became crazy bin diving test re-check lady. Today I resisted a very strong urge to test. I had that packet open and was looking at the three tests, but said no, not yet. I initially told myself I could do my first test on Friday after transfer, that's tomorrow. I'm wondering when should I test. Blood test is still a week from tomorrow. But by the numbers, tomorrow will be 11 days since ovulation. The test packet says 99% accurate for test taken from 1 day before period is due, that would be Sunday. Because I'm using progesterone medications, I shouldn't get my period even though it would be due, so I can't just wait for a period to show up. Can I wait until Sunday? Should I go with my original plan and test Friday and then re-test on Sunday? That is sounding like a plan to me. That way if Sunday is negative, I can retest on Tuesday (trying to obey my 2-days before re-testing rule).

Maybe I should have bought two of the 2 test packs...

Transfer completed

On Friday, I decided to postpone transfer.

In the morning I rang the Queensland Fertility Group Lab to check on my embryos and was shocked to learn the 7 cell embryo was still just 7 cells, and the 8 cell embryo was now 12 cells. I got nervous, and thought it unlikely that the embryos would be viable given how slowly they were developing. The embryologist told me the 12 cell still looked okay, but the 7 cell was being downgraded, not because it looked bad, but because it was developing so slowly.

I rang my fertility specialist and he didn't seem all that excited by the results either. He mentioned we could move the transfer to Saturday, so we could see how they go. I decided that was a good idea. I'd rather not transfer unviable embryos. So at the last minute we decided to wait.

My anxiety levels crept up and so did Matt's. On Friday afternoon I rang the lab again and asked them to have another look at the embryos. Only 5 hours later the 7 cell embryo had suddenly kicked on to being 12-13 cells and the 12 cell embryo had started compacting into a morula. This is all good news. It is amazing how quickly it all changes. At 10am I think I might not even have any embryos to transfer, or at best 1. By 3pm everything is rolling well again.

Saturday transfer was early. Technically the embryos are just about 5 days old (based on when they made, and how long they've been thawed). Ideally they would be blastocysts, but when we see the embryologist he said in the morning when they looked at them they were both morulas. He then said he'd another sneaky look just before transfer and one looked like it has started cavitation, meaning it was turning into the blastocyst. Super news again!

My fertility specialist asks if I'm sure about putting them both in. Logically one healthy baby is the desired result, but I've had so many not work, my brain does not compute that two embryos going in could genuinely equate to two babies out. I can't even really perceive one baby out. I say yes to two embryos. My fertility specialist looks a little nervous for me. I'm glad he has so much confidence about the success of this transfer!

Matt and I slip out to the patient lounge and sit for 30 minutes and then it is back on with life as normal - like embryo transfer was just a trip to the dentist. I had lunch and movies with a girlfriend planned and Matt and I had a few errands we wanted to run before then.

I've got nearly 2 weeks before I do the pregnancy blood test.

Waiting - the home pregnancy test addiction

Not even 2 weeks, only 12 days to wait for confirmation. If you haven't already figured it out, I'm a home pregnancy test sucker. Despite my good friends warning against it, I just can't help it. I must test.

Having a home pregnancy test addiction is expensive. I used up the last of my bulk online order during my first IVF cycle. In preparation for this cycle I bought a three pack of the cheapest I could find when doing the grocery shopping. I have well and truly given up on the expensive in flow tests, these days the pee in the cup and test do the job just fine, or to date they had.

I started home pregnancy testing 1 week after transfer. 1st test - negative after a few minutes. I immediately discard. I have a tiny bit of home pregnancy test discipline, in that if I do a test that is negative, I am capable of waiting 2 days to the next test.

Two days later, 2nd home pregnancy test - negative after a few minutes. Again I immediately discard.

Matt is going away for the week of the blood test and I was hoping that I would have a positive test that I could tell him about before he leaves. Unfortunately, given my 2 day rule, I'm not due for my next test until Tuesday, a day after he has gone. Matt has told me he'd rather not know and just wait for the blood test - I can't understand that, surely if you can know earlier, you'd want to know.

In a new home pregnancy low, I find myself hours later pulling the test out of the bin. To my surprise I find the test is now indicating positive. This of course does not make me happy. All the rules in testing say do not read a result that appears after 10 minutes (clearly this needs to explicitly be added to the instructions for all the crazy women who dig tests out of the bin). This is well after 10 minutes, but I immediately discarded after about 2 minutes, so did a line appear somewhere between 2 and 10 minutes?

Clearly I now have grounds to retest after just 1 day breaking my only home pregnancy test rule.

The next day I test after a couple of minutes there is still no line. Instead of immediately discarding I wait. I have a shower and start peering past the shower curtain every minute to see if a line is appearing. Eventually the test is in the shower with me, of course carefully held out of the way of the shower. I stare at the test. I think there is a line. It is faint, but faint is sill positive. I think it is positive, but I'm still uncertain.

Stupid three pack of cheap tests. Now I've used them all up and I still don't know if I'm pregnant. I decide not to tell Matt - just in case.

Another day before the blood test and I'm so nervous.

Last cycle I convinced myself I'd prefer to know before I went in for the blood test, or at least have an idea. I've learned this cycle that having the positive home pregnancy test doesn't make you feel better going in to your blood test. All it does it bring you to a new range of worries.