Feeling futile

Before it was medically confirmed, I was pretty certain this transfer cycle hasn't worked. I did 3 home pregnancy tests and all were completely negative.

I blew off the blood test wait and went in a couple of days early to simply get the result confirmed. And it was - negative.

Did you hear the sound of the twist top wine bottle opening?

I've experienced anxiety throughout the wait and while I have definitely been frustated about a the cycle not working, I have already decided to head straight back into another cycle.

Logically I know I just have get ready to try again, but this failure has me asking questions about just how much more of it we can take. I resent the money we've spent on numerous treatments and treating lost pregnancies. Tens of thousands of dollars that is just running through our fingers like water. I also resent that my career is stalling. Spending more, earning the same, going nowhere, with nothing but pain, heartache, scars and sad feelings to show for it.

With failure after failure you have to ask, when do you stop? When do you decide to just simply get on with your life? While I don't know the answer to this question I do know, it is not yet.

Three frozen embryos are still waiting to be used, and I intend to burn through them, before ploughing straight on to make more embryos (presuming we are able to replicate another successful stimulated IVF cycle) unless by some miracle I actually manage to get pregnant, and have a baby.