I'm a big believer in the New Year being the time to make a change and new start. I've had great success in the past with setting myself goals and establishing new attitudes for a New Year. I put a lot of thinking and hope into having a great new year and then being mentally refreshed and ready for 2011. Like a shedding of the 2010 skin. Unfortunately my New Year didn't go as I planned, and instead of feeling New Year was a new start, I felt stuck in a rut. I dragged all the worst bits of 2010 into 2011.
Now, I know this is completely psychological and that I could just start a fresh anyway - but I had hung my hopes on this fresh beginning. Maybe this would have happened even if I'd had the perfect new year that I'd imagined... who knows.
All I know is that I spent a lot of time considering what I should do in 2011 and despite my earlier resolve, I find mid month I'm already wavering.
Having felt the drain of the drugs in December 2010 I decided that I would make a fresh start in 2011. I would take January, February and March 2011 off the drugs and the blood tests and try and attack the other issue that has continually bothered me about our infertility - my weight.
Half way into January I'm feeling normal again without the physical drain the drugs were on me. Instead of early morning blood tests I'm finally using the ovulation tests I bought online (I figure some monitoring can't hurt). Then this morning I think - maybe I should just get a blood test, to be sure. But I know that would be a short and slippery slope back into the full monitoring and drug cycle again. So right now I'm just saying no, to drugs and blood tests.
Tackling the weight has been slow getting started. I decided I needed to tap into a real program versus just trying to go it alone which was what I did incredibly unsuccessfully in 2010. The floods have messed with that a little with offices closing down and meetings being postoned. But I'm hoping to get a meeting next week and get started on tackling the weight with some help. I am trying on my own, but I just don't seem to get any traction.
Not the brilliant start that I had hoped for - but it is just how things have gone. Perhaps it is just a slow start out of the blocks.