Thursday, March 3, 2011

One week of waiting - written about the week 14 -20 February 2011

Unlike the first time Matt and I had a positive pregnancy test, we are not joyous. I'm anxious and as a result, so is Matt. Like our first pregnancy I'm experiencing a lot of spotting, which apparently is experienced by quite a few pregnant women but it just makes me worry that I am going to have a repeat of the first pregnancy, ending in miscarriage.

The fertility specialist asked me to get a second blood test on Tuesday to make sure my levels are back on track. He was happy with the result with my progesterone level now very high, but my HCG level increased by 50%. At this stage you are generally looking for HCG levels to double every 48 hours, so the 50% increase isn't a great sign. The doctor asks me to go again in two days and repeat the test.

At this point I come down with an ear, sinus and chest infection. I ended up at home on antibiotics for four days. Being sick forced me to rest, which I think was a good thing.

I did another blood test on Thursday, and again my HCG had increased by 50% and my progesterone was high.  The spotting is still coming and going. When I rang the doctor for my results he told me the results are acceptable, to hang in there and make an appointment for a couple of weeks to come in ultra sound.

When I tell Matt the doctor said hang in there, Matt asked what the hell does that mean? I try to tell him that my numbers aren't progressing as well as we would like, but that the doctor seems to think everything is okay and that we just have to wait.

I've used my last pre-printed blood test form, so even if I want to I can't just go in and have a test. By Friday afternoon I'm freaking out and ring the doctor's surgery to ask them to send me another form so I can get another test on Saturday. They fax a form over to Holland Park for me. The doctor tells me to ring him at 7pm on Saturday on his after hours numbers for the results.

On Saturday I head over to the Sullivan Nicolades, the line is massive and I have to wait over an hour to be seen. When I get in to the room the lady botches my arm and has to swap to the other. I get home and Matt is in full swing cleaning and getting things done and all I can manage is to lie on the bed. Matt asks me what I'm doing and I start crying. I feel bad that Matt is doing everything but I just can't swing into action. Matt doesn't know what to do with me anymore, but he isn't angry. We talk it through. Matt is staying positive and thinks I shouldn't give in yet. I explain how even if this pregnancy doesn't work out, the fact that we managed to get pregnant again is good.  I can see the positive elements, but the uncertainty is making me anxious. After a while Matt has got a plan of action for the day and I manage to get up and engage in the day.

Matt was working overnight at the crisis shelter, so I was home by myself waiting for the time to tick over so I could call the fertility specialist. Finally the clock hits 7pm and I ring. After following all the after hours instructions the doctor calls me back. He has already left the house and doesn't have my numbers in front of him, but remembers they looked good, perhaps double the last results. I was pretty excited about that. The doctor says he'll have a look and call me back.

When the doctor calls back he says my HCG is nearly double, in the mid 4000 range. I ask him what should I do now? He says I should get off the blood test round about and make my appointment for a scan in few weeks. He says my numbers are looking good and I should relax. He says if I get any pain or heavy bleeding then I should call, but otherwise relax.

I'm really stoked when I get off the phone. It felt like it was my first positive result. I ring Matt and tell him the result and that I've decided that from this point on I'm going to treat this like our first pregnancy result. There were no blood tests or ongoing appointments, I was just pregnant, until I wasn't anymore. But the four/five weeks of being pregnant were great, not sad and anxious.

Matt was excited, but said he wasn't going to get his hopes up until the scan.

The scan was two weeks away.... so much more waiting.

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