Sunday, October 16, 2011

Antibiotics, ultrasounds and patience

IV anitbiotics are the business! After a full night in the women's ward I am only oozing a bit and the smell of the ooze has disappeared. My temperature is also under control. By this time I've had IV antibiotics for more than 24 hours. Of course I am stoked when the consulting specialist says he is happy with how the infection has responded and I can be discharged. Again, given that my specialist has already referred me for the ultrasound, which is now only two days away, the consulting specialist says just to go in for it as planned.

Matt was coming in to visit in the morning and as it turned out he was able to take me back to the beach house. I'm given a prescription for a some serious oral antibiotics that I need to take for the next week.

Back at the beach house Matt and I settle in for a quiet week.

I try not to think about the upcoming scan too much, knowing there is absolutely nothing I can gain from worrying about it.

On Thursday morning we drive to Byron Bay for the scan. Again, only the gestation sack can be seen through the abdomen, so we need to do the internal scan to see how the baby is going. To my great surprise the sonographer starts saying here is the baby and this little flicker you can see here is the heartbeat. It is beating at 91 beats per minute, which is normal for a baby measuring six weeks old, which is the size your baby is measuring at. The baby is 4.3 millimetres long from crown to rump.

I'm stunned. Matt seems pleased.

We ring all our family who we know are waiting. I'm cautious to tell everyone that while the heartbeat is good news, that the baby should be about eight weeks old by now, so I'm concerned it is developing too slowly. We discuss whether this could just be because of all the other things that have been happening and hope it will simply catch up in the weeks to come.

I wait until Friday to ring my fertility specialist's office - they still hadn't received my scan results. I hope even though my specialist is on leave (still!) that they have someone lined up who can give me a clinical opinion on the scan. I have to explain to the receptionist why I'm concerned about the scan result. I'm also concerned about my expected return to work. I'm supposed to be going back Monday week, however I can't help but think, if the baby isn't developing as it should, then next week I'm going to need more tests and at the worst I'll physically miscarry, or need to go in for a curette. All of these things will mean I will need more time off work recovering. I just don't want to go back to work and then again be off on more sick leave. The receptionist tells me she will chase up the scan results and contact some of the specialists from the group to see if she can have someone see me, or look at my scan.

I'm lucky another doctor from the group can fit me in on Tuesday but I start to cry on the phone. I was hoping to get an opinion on the scan today.

That afternoon I'm crying. Matt says "I don't understand why you are upset". I know he doesn't. I know I should be happy, but I'm not. I wanted the scan to give me certainty. Certainty the baby was kicking arse and well or certainty the baby was not viable.

I tell Matt that I've spent the whole day trying to get an opinion on the scan and arranging appointments with other specialists. I was hoping that the scan would put an end to it. I secretly hoped there would be no heartbeat and I would know it was over. This result of a heartbeat, but a small baby just seemed so uncertain. The baby just seemed too small. Now we had to wait until next Tuesday to know for sure.

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