Sunday, April 1, 2012

The baby making mission break

I know, I've been skiving on the blog. I've been thinking about writing an update for ages and yesterday I read an article in the Australian Magazine that motivated me to get back to it. It was an heartbreaking story about a woman whose 3rd child was stillborn. This woman was a writer herself and had at other hard times in her life turned to books to help her, however after her terrible loss, no book was hitting the mark. In the end she went online, where she found the community of bloggers and in the rawness of their stories she found connections to real people, like herself and finally began to recover.

Her story reminded me why I started writing the blog in the first place. I'd looked for useful information online, but nothing was helping me. I wanted facts and emotion, not just medical information. Once I started writing the blog, I found other blogs, other very sad stories and stories of triumph against the odds. I have cried and laughed reading of the hardships of others and got new perspectives on my own troubles.

My blog has helped me recover from our many pregnancy losses and perhaps in some small way it is helping others, who have their own hard story and find comfort and community in reading what treatments I am doing and how I'm coping emotionally.

Currently I'm the best I've been in years. I've now returned to work full-time and am again enjoying the challenge of my role.  On the fertility front I'm taking a break. I'm looking down the barrel of my 37th birthday and trying not to let it rule me in decisions about trying to have a baby. Emotionally I've been through the wringer. In case you lost count, from February 2011 to February 2012 we lost 1 gallbladder, 2 fallopian tubes, 3 pregnancies and 4 babies. It is a lot to process.

I'm sitting comfortably with the decision to have a break. I think it will be at least 1 more full cycle before we sign up for another FET cycle. Right now I'm thinking a lot more about trying to survive my first mini-triathlon...

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