Monday, June 4, 2012

A side thought - how about life without children?

We are definitely still heading down the path of assisted fertility treatment for now, however since February I've started to wonder, would it be okay to not have kids.

The past few months I have been happiest I've been in a long time. It planted a seed in my thoughts. I've lived a basically happy life for nearly 37 years without children, surely I could be happy for another 37 years without children.

There are few examples in my life of women who have not have children. There is my aunty, who like me lost both her fallopian tubes to ectopic pregnancies. From my perspective she seems to have a pretty happy life. None-the-less she has for a long time, let's say since I was about 28, been encouraging me to have children. I was warned about my potential pending infertility doom if I didn't get on have kids. I often enquired how I was supposed to perform this feat, when either single or in unstable relationships? Over the years she has made a comment here and there along the lines of 'you don't want to get my age and not have children'. I know she was making these suggestions/comments out of kindness, but it doesn't paint a rosy picture of life without children.

Really, despite all the changes and 'equality' available for women these days, in my experience most women have had children and most are the primary care takers.

In the past few years I have befriended one of the older ladies at works. She is around my Mum's age, and over the past few months I've found out more and more about her. She was married, but divorced many years ago now. She and her husband decided they didn't want to have children. Eventually, to get the incessant horde who love to ask 'when are you going to start a family?' off her back, she and her former husband told people they couldn't have kids.

Recently I confessed to her that, although I was still trying through IVF to have children that I had been contemplating a life without them, and that it no longer terrified me. Her response was made me tear up. She said she was pleased I felt that way, that without children she had had a full and happy life and if that was how it had to be for us that she was certain I would too.

She is the only person who has spoken to me about having a life without children and painted a rosy picture.

1 comment:

  1. It's funny, but I read one of your blogs the other day, where you said you were feeling really happy and well, and I got to thinking you might be very happy without children...
    In my experience, I have become a slave to my 2 year old, I have a husband who doesn't help at all, I haven't been to a movie in two years, haven't had a coffee on my own with a friend for two years, haven't watched a DVD in one go in two years, haven't had a good night's sleep in 2 years, haven't had a shower without interruptions for two years!
    I know it's only temporary, (i.e. until she goes to school), but believe me it's still hard. But I love her to bits.
    My theory is, what needs to happen for you will happen; if you can't have any children, then I would think that it is what you really needed, and you will be happy eventually; you just need to find another focus for your life maybe.