Playing it cool

My first embryo transfer for 2012 is going to be upon me before I know it. I have been surprised by how excited I am about it. I literally feel giddy with the excitement. By my calculations, I expect that within approximately 3 weeks the time will be right for transfer.

I race ahead quickly in my mind... I see photos of pregnant ladies and I think about how I might look with a big pregnant belly. I look up ball park due dates. I contemplate the chances of having double trouble and how hard that might be. I wonder if I'll still be able to ride my bike to work.

Amongst all of these excited thoughts the scary then creeps in. There is every likelihood this transfer will end like all of my other pregnancies. The transfer might not work at all. Even worse - perhaps everything works and we make it past the first trimester, only to have something go wrong later.

I feel happy one moment and then anxious the next.

I tell myself - be cool about it. Go with the flow. It is all out of your hands. If it is meant to be it will be. The self talk helps for a little while and the whole cycle of thinking starts again. It seems that rational does not help when you've had several tastes of horrible.

But right now I'm excited! I wonder what I'll look like with a be pregnant belly? I wonder if I'll feel sick? I wonder if I'll enjoy being pregnant