Tuesday, July 31, 2012

Post transfer anxiety

Today I've gone into full swing post transfer anxiety.

This morning I was still really chuffed about how awesome transfer went. I think I have mentally convinced myself I'm pregnant. That could be good or bad. But the problem is stuff is making me really anxious.

Stuff like annoying work stuff, annoying people, people wanting me to have a wine with them, people asking why I'm not going to running training, the guy who asked if I rode to work yesterday.

I just decided the riding and running training wasn't worth the risk. I've reverted to strolling over from the South bank train station will have to do.

But how many ways can I wiggle out of a wine.

Ughhhhh. Some days you just need chocolate. It makes ever so many things a little bit better.

Chocolate to die for - one of my favourite local shops.

Blogged on the run courtesy of blogger app.

Thursday, July 26, 2012

New cycle in full swing

Last week I started the official part of this cycle, blood tests. I was tested on Monday, Wednesday, Friday and then finally this Monday when I got the result I was looking for, I would ovulate on Tuesday. Yay! Last week I also had an ultrasound to check my uterus lining was the right thickness, and all was good in that in department.

And with that, our frozen embryo transfer has been scheduled for Saturday!

So, yesterday our embryos were going to be thawed. We've made the decision to have two transferred if we have two survive the thaw.

I've been feeling really positive and excited about the transfer, but this time is when I start to get a little tense. Now I have to see how our embryos are going. I literally just rang the lab to get an update on my embryos. Both embryos survived the thaw fully intact, however only one has started to grow. We have a 9 cell and a 6 cell, both grade 3 embryos. This is not the result I really want. I want to ring and hear - your embryos are awesome, they are growing like wild fire, they are babies in the making. Instead, I got, we are going to ring your doctor to see if we should thaw another embryo to be sure you have two to transfer.

Oh well, there is nothing to be done for it. We can only work with what we've got, and I can only hope that by Saturday there are still embryos to work with.

Wednesday, July 4, 2012

Playing it cool

My first embryo transfer for 2012 is going to be upon me before I know it. I have been surprised by how excited I am about it. I literally feel giddy with the excitement. By my calculations, I expect that within approximately 3 weeks the time will be right for transfer.

I race ahead quickly in my mind... I see photos of pregnant ladies and I think about how I might look with a big pregnant belly. I look up ball park due dates. I contemplate the chances of having double trouble and how hard that might be. I wonder if I'll still be able to ride my bike to work.

Amongst all of these excited thoughts the scary then creeps in. There is every likelihood this transfer will end like all of my other pregnancies. The transfer might not work at all. Even worse - perhaps everything works and we make it past the first trimester, only to have something go wrong later.

I feel happy one moment and then anxious the next.

I tell myself - be cool about it. Go with the flow. It is all out of your hands. If it is meant to be it will be. The self talk helps for a little while and the whole cycle of thinking starts again. It seems that rational does not help when you've had several tastes of horrible.

But right now I'm excited! I wonder what I'll look like with a be pregnant belly? I wonder if I'll feel sick? I wonder if I'll enjoy being pregnant